So I have hit a bump in the road, and I am pushing myself to remember how lucky I am. What a wonderful life I have. What wonderful friends and family I have. And to regain the positive feeling for life.
In the past few weeks, there has been a lot of people around me that have passed away. And I am reminded that life is precious. It cannot be wasted. Especially when I have my health and ability to live. To put one foot in front of the other, and enjoy the happiness around me.
I will not punish myself for feeling sad, but I will not allow the sadness to consume me, it is a waste of my time. And truly, I constantly come to the same conclusion. It is all about time.
It has been quite an experience here in Cairo for me with Time. People don't see it the same as how I was raised to see it. When there is a meeting set for 12 at work, it most likely won't happen until 4. When people invite you over to hang out, it is normal for arrivals to be 3 hours late. When you're meeting up for dinner, it isn't crazy that someone is an hour or two late. Things are different here. There is tons of traffic and changing of plans 5 minutes before they are supposed to happen. And people normally don't stress about it. They appear to be so used to it.
Of course for me, coming from a world where Time is everything, I was very concerned about being late or canceling plans. But truth be told, I am slowly (quite slowly) learning to understand this way of life. And to try and go with the flow. What is ironic to me is that in the States, I was always the late one. By 15 minutes though. And it drove everyone crazy. I guess this is my karma:)
There is something nice about not worrying about Time. And I wish I was better at it. Every time I feel myself rushing, people around me tell me not to worry, and to just take my Time. I like that. It takes a lot of pressure off of things. It allows you to feel more at ease.
Time will heal. Time will help. Time will tell. Oh time. Time runs out. So for me, it is important to go after what I want during this Time. And not to tell myself, "oh, ill just wait a bit and give it some time." No, the time is now.
I spent the last months worrying about my future. Worrying about what will happen next. Rather than enjoying the moments I was in. Rather than living the life I wanted, I was worried about the life that didn't exist. We do that so often. We worry about things that aren't even there. We plan for things that never happen. During my travels through South America, what made the trip so wonderful was that there was no plan. It was moment by moment. And that attitude is how I want to live my life. Living my moments.
In the year before moving to Cairo I feel like I had gotten very good at that practice. I lived my days living, and when I began to feel depressed in my moments, I knew it was necessary to change. So I did. It took some time:), but it happened. And now here I am. 6 months later, in Cairo.
And in the past months, I have lost that sense of my moment. And I have begun to focus on my future. And it has made me so unhappy. And now I realize I just want to live. I want to go back to living now, and not think about the Time. Think about my moments, and learn to just get back to going with the flow:) Because in the end, we don't know how much more Time there will be. And that is the truth. No matter what, we really have no idea what every new moment will bring, so it is imperative that we learn to appreciate the moment we are in.
In the past few weeks, there has been a lot of people around me that have passed away. And I am reminded that life is precious. It cannot be wasted. Especially when I have my health and ability to live. To put one foot in front of the other, and enjoy the happiness around me.
I will not punish myself for feeling sad, but I will not allow the sadness to consume me, it is a waste of my time. And truly, I constantly come to the same conclusion. It is all about time.
It has been quite an experience here in Cairo for me with Time. People don't see it the same as how I was raised to see it. When there is a meeting set for 12 at work, it most likely won't happen until 4. When people invite you over to hang out, it is normal for arrivals to be 3 hours late. When you're meeting up for dinner, it isn't crazy that someone is an hour or two late. Things are different here. There is tons of traffic and changing of plans 5 minutes before they are supposed to happen. And people normally don't stress about it. They appear to be so used to it.
Of course for me, coming from a world where Time is everything, I was very concerned about being late or canceling plans. But truth be told, I am slowly (quite slowly) learning to understand this way of life. And to try and go with the flow. What is ironic to me is that in the States, I was always the late one. By 15 minutes though. And it drove everyone crazy. I guess this is my karma:)
There is something nice about not worrying about Time. And I wish I was better at it. Every time I feel myself rushing, people around me tell me not to worry, and to just take my Time. I like that. It takes a lot of pressure off of things. It allows you to feel more at ease.
Time will heal. Time will help. Time will tell. Oh time. Time runs out. So for me, it is important to go after what I want during this Time. And not to tell myself, "oh, ill just wait a bit and give it some time." No, the time is now.
I spent the last months worrying about my future. Worrying about what will happen next. Rather than enjoying the moments I was in. Rather than living the life I wanted, I was worried about the life that didn't exist. We do that so often. We worry about things that aren't even there. We plan for things that never happen. During my travels through South America, what made the trip so wonderful was that there was no plan. It was moment by moment. And that attitude is how I want to live my life. Living my moments.
In the year before moving to Cairo I feel like I had gotten very good at that practice. I lived my days living, and when I began to feel depressed in my moments, I knew it was necessary to change. So I did. It took some time:), but it happened. And now here I am. 6 months later, in Cairo.
And in the past months, I have lost that sense of my moment. And I have begun to focus on my future. And it has made me so unhappy. And now I realize I just want to live. I want to go back to living now, and not think about the Time. Think about my moments, and learn to just get back to going with the flow:) Because in the end, we don't know how much more Time there will be. And that is the truth. No matter what, we really have no idea what every new moment will bring, so it is imperative that we learn to appreciate the moment we are in.
